Dealing with Anger...God's Way
- by Joyce Meyer
We have all experienced anger at some point in our lives, and it can be a real problem. Though it starts as a harmless feeling, it can quickly grow into something dangerous that’s hard to control.
But with God’s help, we can learn how to deal with our feelings and walk in His peace.
I’ll admit, years ago I pretty much did and said anything I felt like. I have a pretty strong personality, so if you said something to upset me, there was a good chance I would let you know about it.
Thank God, over time He changed me through His Word and helped me begin to manage my emotions through the power of His Holy Spirit.
I learned how to operate in self-control, which means I didn’t always say everything I wanted to say. Now, that’s freedom!
Along the way, God also helped me to understand that anger in itself isn’t wrong.
Is It a Sin to Be Angry?
I’ll never forget one particular morning about 25 years ago. I was preparing to go preach at a ladies meeting at my church in St. Louis when my husband Dave and I got into an argument. I admit, I was really mad!
I continued to think angry thoughts and have angry feelings. Then my anger turned into guilt and I thought, How can I possibly go to church and tell others how to conduct their lives according to Scripture if I cannot control my anger?
The feelings of guilt not only continued but they intensified. As the pressure mounted, I started to feel almost frantic when suddenly God spoke to my heart and said:
“Anger is not a sin—it is what you do with it that becomes sin.”
That day God showed me something that was very life-changing for me. He brought me to Ephesians 4:26-27 (AMPC), and I suddenly saw these verses in a different way than ever before.
The Bible says, When angry, do not sin; do not ever let your wrath (your exasperation, your fury or indignation) last until the sun goes down. Leave no [such] room or foothold for the devil [give no opportunity to him].
These verses don’t say, “Don’t get angry” or “If you ever get angry.” They say, “When [you are] angry.”
We’re all going to be angry at times, but it’s not feeling anger that’s a problem. The problem comes when we act on those feelings.
At times, I’ve really wished some of my feelings would go away, but usually they don’t. I’ve learned that God is not necessarily going to change them, but He is going to change me so I can be stronger than they are.
We need to be in touch with our feelings and take responsibility for them, but we can’t allow them to control us.
Dealing with Anger at Its Onset
Some people have been upset for so long that they don’t even realize they’re angry anymore.
For many years, I was angry about being abused by my father when I was a child, yet I wasn’t really even conscious of the fact that I was mad about it.
Although I was attempting to be a loving Christian, I was angry and harsh and hard. I loved God, but I hadn’t gotten serious enough with Him to say, “I want to do things Your way and I need Your help.”
Proverbs 16:32 says, Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.
A person who rules their spirit demonstrates self-control. Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit that’s given to us to help us control ourselves.
This means when we feel a certain way, we can choose not to act on it if we know it’s against the Word of God.
Now it’s important to understand that if you let your feelings—especially anger—get into a rage, then you may be at the point of not being able to control yourself (see Ephesians 4:27).
That’s why it’s so vital for us to learn how to recognize the warning signs (and put a stop to it) when those feelings first begin.
That morning when I read the passage in Ephesians 4, I realized that God was saying there is a way to be angry and sin not—there’s a way to make a decision about what we’re going to do with our anger before it gets out of control.
And He has given us some tips in His Word about how to do it...
How to Stay Cool, Calm & Collected
Second Corinthians 10:5 instructs us to take every thought captive into the obedience of Christ before it becomes a stronghold in our mind. In other words, we can choose what we are going to think and dwell on.
We can continue to fuel our angry emotions with wrong thoughts...or we can take a stand and, with God’s help, refuse to allow the situation to get out of control.
So, when you feel yourself getting upset, the sooner you say “No!” to those thoughts and feelings, the better. Instead of letting the anger control you, you can pray something like:
“God, please help me. I know being upset is not going to get me anywhere. This person hurt my feelings and that was wrong, but I’m not going to act on this. With Your grace and strength, I’m going to control myself, and I’m going to trust You to take care of the situation.”
I want to encourage you to forgive those who have hurt you. Let go of any angry feelings you’re holding on to and place those situations in God’s hands.
We can trust Him to be our Vindicator. God is bigger than our feelings and He has given us self-control so we can walk in peace and experience His perfect love when we need it the most.
“If you want the great and mighty things God has for you, you must get to the root of anger and deal with it.
What does the Bible say about anger?
By gotquestions.org
Handling anger is an important life skill. Christian counselors report that 50 percent of people who come in for counseling have problems dealing with anger. Anger can shatter communication and tear apart relationships, and it ruins both the joy and health of many. Sadly, people tend to justify their anger instead of accepting responsibility for it. Everyone struggles, to varying degrees, with anger. Thankfully, God’s Word contains principles regarding how to handle anger in a godly manner, and how to overcome sinful anger.
Anger is not always sin. There is a type of anger of which the Bible approves, often called “righteous indignation.” God is angry (Psalm 7:11; Mark 3:5), and it is acceptable for believers to be angry (Ephesians 4:26). Two Greek words in the New Testament are translated as “anger.” One means “passion, energy” and the other means “agitated, boiling.” Biblically, anger is God-given energy intended to help us solve problems. Examples of biblical anger include David’s being upset over hearing Nathan the prophet sharing an injustice (2 Samuel 12) and Jesus’ anger over how some of the Jews had defiled worship at God’s temple in Jerusalem (John 2:13-18). Notice that neither of these examples of anger involved self-defense, but a defense of others or of a principle.
That being said, it is important to recognize that anger at an injustice inflicted against oneself is also appropriate. Anger has been said to be a warning flag—it alerts us to those times when others are attempting to or have violated our boundaries. God cares for each individual. Sadly, we do not always stand up for one another, meaning that sometimes we must stand up for ourselves. This is especially important when considering the anger that victims often feel. Victims of abuse, violent crime, or the like have been violated in some way. Often while experiencing the trauma, they do not experience anger. Later, in working through the trauma, anger will emerge. For a victim to reach a place of true health and forgiveness, he or she must first accept the trauma for what it was. In order to fully accept that an act was unjust, one must sometimes experience anger. Because of the complexities of trauma recovery, this anger is often not short-lived, particularly for victims of abuse. Victims should process through their anger and come to a place of acceptance, even forgiveness. This is often a long journey. As God heals the victim, the victim’s emotions, including anger, will follow. Allowing the process to occur does not mean the person is living in sin.
Anger can become sinful when it is motivated by pride (James 1:20), when it is unproductive and thus distorts God’s purposes (1 Corinthians 10:31), or when anger is allowed to linger (Ephesians 4:26-27). One obvious sign that anger has turned to sin is when, instead of attacking the problem at hand, we attack the wrongdoer. Ephesians 4:15-19 says we are to speak the truth in love and use our words to build others up, not allow rotten or destructive words to pour from our lips. Unfortunately, this poisonous speech is a common characteristic of fallen man (Romans 3:13-14). Anger becomes sin when it is allowed to boil over without restraint, resulting in a scenario in which hurt is multiplied (Proverbs 29:11), leaving devastation in its wake. Often, the consequences of out-of-control anger are irreparable. Anger also becomes sin when the angry one refuses to be pacified, holds a grudge, or keeps it all inside (Ephesians 4:26-27). This can cause depression and irritability over little things, which are often unrelated to the underlying problem.
We can handle anger biblically by recognizing and admitting our prideful anger and/or our wrong handling of anger as sin (Proverbs 28:13; 1 John 1:9). This confession should be both to God and to those who have been hurt by our anger. We should not minimize the sin by excusing it or blame-shifting.
We can handle anger biblically by seeing God in the trial. This is especially important when people have done something to offend us. James 1:2-4, Romans 8:28-29, and Genesis 50:20 all point to the fact that God is sovereign over every circumstance and person that crosses our path. Nothing happens to us that He does not cause or allow. Though God does allow bad things to happen, He is always faithful to redeem them for the good of His people. God is a good God (Psalm 145:8, 9, 17). Reflecting on this truth until it moves from our heads to our hearts will alter how we react to those who hurt us.
We can handle anger biblically by making room for God’s wrath. This is especially important in cases of injustice, when “evil” men abuse “innocent” people. Genesis 50:19 and Romans 12:19 both tell us to not play God. God is righteous and just, and we can trust Him who knows all and sees all to act justly (Genesis 18:25).
We can handle anger biblically by returning good for evil (Genesis 50:21; Romans 12:21). This is key to converting our anger into love. As our actions flow from our hearts, so also our hearts can be altered by our actions (Matthew 5:43-48). That is, we can change our feelings toward another by changing how we choose to act toward that person.
We can handle anger biblically by communicating to solve the problem. There are four basic rules of communication shared in Ephesians 4:15, 25-32:
1) Be honest and speak (Ephesians 4:15, 25). People cannot read our minds. We must speak the truth in love.
2) Stay current (Ephesians 4:26-27). We must not allow what is bothering us to build up until we lose control. It is important to deal with what is bothering us before it reaches critical mass.
3) Attack the problem, not the person (Ephesians 4:29, 31). Along this line, we must remember the importance of keeping the volume of our voices low (Proverbs 15:1).
4) Act, don’t react (Ephesians 4:31-32). Because of our fallen nature, our first impulse is often a sinful one (v. 31). The time spent in “counting to ten” should be used to reflect upon the godly way to respond (v. 32) and to remind ourselves how the energy anger provides should be used to solve problems and not create bigger ones.
At times we can handle anger preemptively by putting up stricter boundaries. We are told to be discerning (1 Corinthians 2:15-16; Matthew 10:16). We need not "cast our pearls before swine" (Matthew 7:6). Sometimes our anger leads us to recognize that certain people are unsafe for us. We can still forgive them, but we may choose not to re-enter the relationship.
Finally, we must act to solve our part of the problem (Romans 12:18). We cannot control how others act or respond, but we can make the changes that need to be made on our part. Overcoming a temper is not accomplished overnight. But through prayer, Bible study, and reliance upon God’s Holy Spirit, ungodly anger can be overcome. We may have allowed anger to become entrenched in our lives by habitual practice, but we can also practice responding correctly until that, too, becomes a habit and God is glorified in our response.
P.U.S.H. = Pray Until Something Happens
by Rex Rouis
The way to get real-life results in prayer is to seek God with an attitude that says, “No matter how long it takes, or whatever I have to do, I will not be denied.” This is not arrogance; it is Godly hunger. It is not about pushing God, but about pushing yourself into God. It is not praying for the sake of praying. It is praying to see the hand of God move. It is desperate hungry praying. It is the type of prayer that gets answers.
Faith takes two things, first the written scriptures (hope) and then the spoken personal word of God (faith) – Romans 10:17. The scriptures show us the general will of God and communicate the conditions that must be met to receive faith and see His hand move. His spoken personal word reveals His will to us personally, and lets us know when we have met those conditions. The goal is to hear God confirm His promise and let Him place His witness into our heart. The promise then comes alive and becomes a reality to us. This reality is ‘the substance (lit. – reality, assurance, title-deed) of things (previously) hoped for, the evidence of things not (yet) seen’ (Hebrews 11:1).
This seeking turns the general promises of God into personal realities. This is the period when we work the word, and the word works in us. Seeking God merges the word of God and the will of God into our lives. We become one with the word. This is what Jesus was referring to when He said, “If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, (you shall) ask whatever you will, and it will be done for you.” (John 15:7) This faith process turns desires into Bible hopes, and Bible hopes into real life realities. It is not easy, but it is never impossible. Anybody with enough hunger can make it happen.
The process usually takes time, and there are no shortcuts. God does not respond to part-time seekers. He is only found by those who seek Him with their whole heart. The Bible says, ‘You must be diligent so as to realize the full assurance of hope, so that you will receive the promise’ (Hebrews 6:11). Growing faith is hard work, for the Bible goes on to say, ‘Don’t be sluggish but be imitators of those who through faith and patience have inherited the promises’ (Hebrews 6:12).
Pray until you receive an answer from God, for when you do, you will have the victory. You must persevere until you get to a place where you are ‘fully assured that what God has promised, (for) He is able also to perform’ (Romans 4:21). When you hear Him, you have the answer, for Paul says, “Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the (spoken) word of God’ (Romans 10:17). The word translated ‘word’ here is the Greek word rhema, and it speaks of a personal face-to-face type of communication. He is not talking about a mere reading of the word. This is deeper. This is God making the word on the page come alive in your heart. The word on the page must become the word in your heart before you can have enough faith to receive from God.
Then, and only then, you can speak faith’s victory to your life and situation. Speaking words filled with faith is the only kind of speaking that makes a difference. This kind of speaking will move mountains. Seek Him till you hear from Him. Jesus told us that in prayer we should always pray and never give up. Don’t give up! Seek Him till you hear His voice. Let Him deal with your heart, for as you do, He will speak your answer to you. When you hear the answer, you will have the answer.
Your Past Is Not God’s Future for You
by Rex Rouis
Your past need not be your future. God has a bright future in store for you, if you will accept it and believe it.
I know the plans that I have for you, declares the LORD. They are plans for peace and not disaster, plans to give you a future filled with hope. Jeremiah 29:11
Take His plans and make them your plans. You can’t do that if you are always looking to your past instead of to His future. His plans for you are in His promises, and those precious promises can come alive only by seeking Him about them. He can give you the directions in the map of His word on how to get there. Jesus is the way, the road to blessing and salvation. Seek Him and hear from Him, this is the way of faith, and faith is the way of the victor.
For whatever is born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world: our faith. I John 5:4
One cannot be both a victim and a victor at the same time. Choose to be one or the other. Religion, most of the time, tries to be both and ends up being neither. Guilt and a low spiritual self-esteem will keep you in the prison-house of victimhood. It will keep you in the past of yourself instead of the future of Him. Being ‘In Him’ is being in His life and in His future.
Your past is not His future for you. It is not easy to put on the ‘new man’ in Christ (the ‘new you’ In Him), but we must. The ‘new man’ is the ‘new you’ made for a ‘new future.’ You are valuable in His eyes, so treat yourself as valuable in your own eyes. This is not always easy. Sometimes you are going to have to choose to forget the past and ignore all that is around you. Walking by faith is not walking by sight, or walking by feelings, and it sure is not walking in the past. Treating yourself as valuable is not pride but true humility before God. To do anything less is disobedience to the God Who has great plans for you and has promised great things for you. Walk with Him in the light of His love and mercy.
If we walk in the light as He Himself is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin. I John 1:7
Remember, you have no past and He has your future. Wouldn’t it be nice if life was really like this? Well, it can be if you walk in the light as He is in the light and allow His blood to cleanse you from all sin, and from all the left over stuff of the past. God has created a great separator between the past and the future, it is called Today. Every day can be a new day of opportunity in the plan and future God has for us. Our effort is to live in our ‘today’ and trust Him for a great tomorrow.
Who Did the Greater Work – the Devil or Jesus?
by Rex Rouis
Who did the greater work, the Devil in the fall of man or Jesus in the redemption of man? Most Christians speak of Christ’s great victory on the Cross, but in their lives, they act as if the fall of man was the greater work. They have more ‘faith’ in the destruction of mankind than they do in the restoration of mankind.
However, according to the scriptures, the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ completely undid all that the fall of man had wrought. We do not see it because we are still living in a fallen world. The world itself was not redeemed; its time is yet to come. Only believers in Christ have received the right to become children of God and citizens of His Kingdom. Now it is up to us to grow in what Christ has done for us and expand His Kingdom for others.
Let your kingdom come. Let your will be done on earth as it is done in heaven. Matthew 6:10
What God did for mankind through Christ was massive. God’s response to the fall was overwhelming, so overwhelming in fact that it almost appears as if the fall of man was a trap, a setup, a necessary first step toward God’s grand purpose for mankind. Could this whole affair have been a divine trap from the beginning? Maybe so.
But we impart a secret and hidden wisdom of God, which God decreed before the ages for our glory. None of the rulers of this age understood this, for if they had, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory. I Corinthians 2:7, 8
But they did crucify Him, and after Christ’s victorious Resurrection, the merely immortal creation of the Garden had become the New Creation of The Kingdom (II Corinthians 5:17). In the Garden God created humans, but at the Resurrection He created Christians. The ‘First Adam’ has now been replaced by the ‘Second Adam,’ namely, Jesus Christ and we are eternally united with Him, spirit, soul, and body.
So it is written: The first man Adam became a living being; the last Adam became a life-giving Spirit. I Corinthians 15:45
The question then is this – what exactly is a Christian? Is he a ‘sinner saved by grace,’ or is he much more than that? If the first Adam was made ‘a living soul’ (Genesis 2: 7), what is the makeup of the second? The first Adam was appointed to rule as God’s agent in this world. What is the appointed rule of the second Adam?
What is man that You take thought of him, And the son of man that You care for him? Yet You have made him a little lower than God, And You crown him with glory and majesty! Psalm 8:4, 5
But one has testified somewhere, saying, “WHAT IS MAN, THAT YOU REMEMBER HIM? OR THE SON OF MAN, THAT YOU ARE CONCERNED ABOUT HIM? “YOU HAVE MADE HIM FOR A LITTLE WHILE LOWER THAN THE ANGELS; YOU HAVE CROWNED HIM WITH GLORY AND HONOR, AND HAVE APPOINTED HIM OVER THE WORKS OF YOUR HANDS; YOU HAVE PUT ALL THINGS IN SUBJECTION UNDER HIS FEET.” For in subjecting all things to him, He left nothing that is not subject to him. But now we do not yet see all things subjected to him.… Hebrews 2:6, 7, 8
The above verses are not talking about Jesus. They are referring to us – you and me. The next verse refers to Jesus:
But we do see Jesus–made (as man) lower than the angels for a short time so that by God’s grace He might taste death for everyone–crowned with glory and honor because of His suffering in death. Hebrews 2:9
Read the whole second chapter of Hebrews (see more here). It goes on to say that this Jesus, who made all of creation, would lower Himself, take on manhood, and suffer for our disobedience so that we could once again be part of the family and congregation of God. He could then call us ‘holy brethren, partakers of the Heavenly calling.’ (Hebrews 3:1) We as God’s man (and woman), are now restored to spiritually rule with Him and for Him.
Or do you not know that the saints will judge the world? If the world is judged by you, are you not competent to constitute the smallest law courts? Do you not know that we will judge angels? How much more matters of this life? I Corinthians 6:2, 3
We are told not to think of ourselves more ‘highly than we ought,’ but then, we should not think of ourselves any less than we ought either. We are after all, ‘seated with Christ in Heavenly places.’ That should mean something. Read the following scriptures; they describe a class of being unfamiliar to this world. And remember, they are referring to you and me.
Christians Are a Totally New Creation
Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. – II Corinthians 5:17
For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision avails anything, nor uncircumcision, but a new creature. – Galatians 6:15
Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ: – Ephesians 4:13
And have put on the new man, which is renewed in knowledge after the image of him that created him: – Colossians 3:10
Beloved, we are God’s children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is. I John 3:2
God Is In Christians and Christians Are In Him
At that day ye shall know that I am in my Father, and ye in me, and I in you. – John 14:20
The glory which You have given Me I have given to them, that they may be one, just as We are one; I in them and You in Me, that they may be perfected in unity, so that the world may know that You sent Me, and loved them, even as You have loved Me. – John 17:22, 23
But go to My brothers and tell them that I am ascending to My Father and your Father–to My God and your God.”
John 20:17b
And to know the love of Christ, which passes knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fullness of God. – Ephesians 3:19
The mystery which has been kept secret from all ages and generations, but has now been revealed to His people, to whom God would make known what is the riches of the glory of this mystery among the Gentiles; which is Christ in you, the hope of glory: Colossians 1:26, 27
For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God. – Colossians 3:3
Christians Are Heirs of God and Joint Heirs with Jesus Christ
And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together. – Romans 8:17
And hath raised us up together, and made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus: – Ephesians 2:6
Blessed and holy is he that hath part in the first resurrection: on such the second death hath no power, but they shall be priests of God and of Christ, and shall reign with him a thousand years. – Revelation 20:6
Christians Have Been Given Divine Attributes
But of him are ye in Christ Jesus, who of God is made unto us wisdom, and righteousness, and sanctification, and redemption: – I Corinthians 1:30
For who hath known the mind of the Lord, that he may instruct him? But we have the mind of Christ. – I Corinthians 2:16
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who hath blessed us with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places in Christ: – Ephesians 1:3
That the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give unto you the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of him: – Ephesians 1:17
For this purpose also I labor, striving according to His power, which mightily works within me. – Colossians 1:29
According as his divine power hath given unto us all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue: – II Peter 1:3
Christians Are To Do the Works of Jesus
I assure you: The one who believes in Me will also do the works that I do. And he will do even greater works than these, because I am going to the Father. John 14:12
I have sent them into the world the same way you sent me into the world. John 17:18
So Jesus said to them again, “Peace be with you; as the Father has sent Me, I also send you.” And when He had said this, He breathed on them and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit. “If you forgive the sins of any, their sins have been forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they have been retained.” John 20:21, 22, 23
For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them. – Ephesians 2:10
If any man speak, let him speak as the oracles of God; if any man minister, let him do it as of the ability which God gives: that God in all things may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom be praise and dominion for ever and ever. Amen. – I Peter 4:11
It is hard to believe that these scriptures are talking about us, but they are. However difficult it is to believe it, we must. Read these scriptures over and over, confess them, and meditate on them. Even if you do not understand them, accept them and allow them to grow inside of you. Let the unworthiness and spiritual dullness of the past life fade away. Remember, we are to ‘put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator.’ (Colossians 3:10) When we think back over the wonderful things God did for us on the Cross, we must not forget about the wonderful things He did in us, and the wonderful Person Who now lives within us.
We must rise up and be all that God has purchased for us. We are more than saved victims – holy and cleansed but weak and dominated. We are God’s grandest creation. The goal of redemption is for us to grow to the ‘stature of the fullness of Christ’ – Himself! That is God’s goal for us and it is His expectation. He will judge us according to that expectation.
What are the capabilities of an individual that is created in the image and stature of Christ Himself, and is walking in the fullness and power of all that God has? What are the limitations of a man recreated in the image of God, having the mind of God, and walking in union with God? Let’s find out.