Emotional/Psychological Abuse
Many forms of abuse are obviously cruel. Emotional abuse is more subtle.
Quite often such abuse goes unseen, as even the victim does not recognize that she is being abused.
Although emotional abuse does not leave black eyes or visible bruises, it is often more seriously
damaging to your self-esteem. Emotional abuse is cruel and scars your soul.
Most people believe that Domestic Violence always meant that someone had to be beating someone
else up. They never realized that the daily belittling, shouting, the demands, and the isolation are
all part of the same problem. There are many categories of emotional/psychological abuse.
They encompass a variety of behaviors that will be easily recognizable by those experiencing them,
and often remain completely unnoticed by others.
Physical or sexual abuse is always accompanied and often follows emotional abuse, i.e. emotional
battering is used to wear the victim dowm - often over a long period of time - to undermine her self-
concept until she is willing to take responsibillity for her abuser's actions and behavior towards her
abuser or simply accept it
Emotional Abuse can include:
. putting another down/name-calling
. ignoring or discounting activities and accomplishments
. withholding approval or affection
. making another feel as if they are crazy in public or through private humilition
. unreasonable jealousy and suspicion
. playing mind games
Physical Abuse
Physical assault is the most obvious form of Domestic Violence, the most visible, and also the most lethal.
Assaults often start small, maybe a small shove during an argument, or forcefully grabbing your wrist, but
over time, physical abuse (or battering) usually becomes more severe, and more frequent, and can result
in the death of the victim.
Physical abuse is any act of violence on the victim, and can include the following:
. biting/scratching
. slapping/punching
. kicking/stomping
. choking/pulling hair
. beating/burning
. throwing objects at another
. locking another in a closet or utilizing other confinement
. sleep interference and/or deliberately exhausting the partner with unreasonable
demands and lack of rest
. deprivation of heat or food
. shoving another down steps or into objects
. assaults with weapons such as knives/guns/other objects
. physical restraint - pinning against wall, floor, bed, etc.
. reckless driving, etc.
Basically any behavior which hurts or physically harms, or is intended to do so is considered abuse.
Threats
Where threats are made within an violent relationship they can be as debilitating as the violence
itself.
A victim who has already suffered being battered need not imagine the result of displeasing the
abuser, or doubt the abuser's ability to carry out the threats.
Even where the victim has not been physically assaulted, the abuser will often demonstrate his
ability to harm her by punching walls or furniture, kicking the cat/dog, or using aggressive
behavior.
However, many threats are not physical but part of the ongoing emotional abuse.
The abuser may threaten to 'disppear' with the children, report his partner to Social Services as an
unfit mother or "have you locked up in an asylum", harm a significant third party (e.g. family
member), refuse housekeeping, leave or commit suicide.
Whether the threats are of a physial, sexual or emotional nature, they are all designed to further
control the victim by instilling fear and ensuring compliance.
The abuser becomes not only the source of pain and abuse, but also the protector, as he/she is not only the person being abusive, but also the person who can prevent the threatened action, increasing the victim's dependence on him.
Isolation
The abuser will control whom the victim sees, where she goes, whom she speaks to and what she
does. This can take the form of simply not allowing her to use the phone, have her friends around
or visit her family, or ensuring it simply isn't worth it by being in a bad mood because she left some
housework undone, making her feel guilty that she was out enjoying herself while he worked, or
even encouraging her - theoretically - to make friends, and then discounting them or complaining
that she cares more for her friends/family/hobby then she does him or is neglecting him.
Some abusers may move home frequently to prevent their victim from building a social support
network. Many abusers justify their control over their victim by stating that it is proof of their love,
or that they worry about their safety when out, etc. In reality however, the abuser needs to isolate
his victim to feel secure themselves, they feel as though any relationship, be it family, friend or
colleague, will undermine their authority over and take their partner away from them, i.e. poses a
threat. The effect of this isolation is that the victim feel very alone in her struggle, doesn't have
anyone with whom to do a 'reality check', and is ultimately more dependant on on the abuser for all
her social needs.
Forms of Isolation include:
. checking up on you
. accusing you of unfaithfulness
. moving to an isolated area
. ensuring you lack transport or a telephone
. making your friends or family feel uncomfortable when visiting so that
they cease.
. punishing you for being 10 minutes late home from work by complaining
by bad moods criticism or physcial abuse.
. not allowing you to leave the house on your own or taking away your
passport
. demanding a report on your actions and conversations
. preventing you from working
. not allowing any activity which excludes him
. finding fault with your friends/family
. insisting on taking you to and picking you up from work
In extreme cases the victim may be reduced to episodes of literally becoming a prisoner, being
locked in a room and denied basic necessities, such as warmth, food, toilet or washing facilities.
Other family members or the perpetrators friends can also be used to 'keep an eye on' the victim,
acting effectively as prison guards.
Intimidation
. driving recklessly to make another feel threatened or endangered
. destroying property or cherished possessions
. making another afraid by using looks/actions/gesture
. throwing objects as an expression of anger to make another feel threatened
. displaying weapons
Economic Abuse
. preventing another from getting or keeping a job
. withholding funds
. spending family income without consent and/or making the partner struggle to
. pay bills
. not letting someone know of or have access to family/personal income
. forcing someone to ask for basic necessities
Using Children or Pets
. threatening to take the children away
.making the partner feel guilty about the children
. abusing children or pets to punish the partner
. using the children to relay messages